I’m going to have a baby soon, but I’m terrified my marriage will change and we don’t have the same relationship. Is this normal? Can I do anything to stop it?
A baby is a blessing, but also a great distraction. It is true; marriages do change when a child is born because the focus is suddenly shifted by force towards this innocent being whose entire world depends on the efforts of you and your husband. That being said, it’s good to acknowledge between the both of you that things will be different, but it doesn’t mean it has to be negative.
In ensuring a close bond between husband and wife remains after a child is born, I believe a few key components must be in place. One – supporting each other in goodness. That goes both ways. He will likely have to sacrifice some sleep to give you some, or you’ll have to push yourself to get all pretty before he gets home etc. The point is to try and help fulfill each other’s needs along with the baby’s. Exhaustion is a common complaint for new parents (actually all parents), probably more for new parents because they exert an exceptional amount of energy in exploring all possible avenues to calm their child.
As a wife try to make small efforts to ensure that your husband knows you haven’t forgotten about him, that you still love him and maybe even more now that you share a child together, and of course don’t neglect his needs of affection. Likewise, a husband must extend his hand to help you in your role as a mother since instantly you have become the 24/7 food source which limits your time, space and energy. He has to offer you comfort through encouraging your efforts, and being there to help you by picking up where you aren’t able to keep up with like showering or eating decent meal.
Be careful not to expect him to know things, so share your experience in a gentle, kind way. Ask of him nicely, without hoping he’ll just automatically know. Ensure respect and compassion remains despite the stress and your relationship will flourish in an amazing way, InshaAllah.